Enneagram Type Two
The Caring, Interpersonal Type:
Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being
Basic Desire: To feel loved
Enneagram Two with a One-Wing: "Servant"
Enneagram Two with a Three-Wing: "The Host/Hostess"
Type Twos are naturally generous and have an innate ability to tune into what
another needs or wants. They may be wonderful hosts or perfect B & B
innkeepers, having thought through so many details to make others' time
enjoyable and comfortable. Or, they may be sensitive to social problems and
find ways to attend to the personal needs of people who are suffering.
In all cases, Type Two people want to be
loved themselves and believe the way to earn and deserve this love is to
give of themselves. It is very hurtful to them when others, particularly
their beloved, do not reciprocate. They feel misused, but have trouble
admitting it because they want so much to be generous.
are often attractive and pay attention to how to make themselves appealing
to those they care about. Sometimes flirtatious, sometimes self-sacrificing,
sometimes possessive, they engage the attention of that important person in
their lives. Rather than being leaders, they would prefer to be the special
confidante or invaluable helper to the leader, satisfied to be an intimate
of powerful or important people.
When Twos were children
they needed guidance and protection but experienced it only indirectly or
haphazardly. It is surprising how many Twos lost their fathers at an early
age to death, divorce, or a job requiring frequent travel or long days and
nights away from home. Often blaming themselves for losing that key
relationship due to their own failings, they unconsciously set out to become
indispensable to whomever they believe could provide for their needs. Inside
every Two is a child feeling envious that the other kids get what they want.
They need to put self-pity aside, however, and instead learn to put
themselves first, repsonding to their own needs and setting limits with
others. Otherwise they are prone to eruptions of rage or, perhaps worse, to
psychosomatic problems that can eventually disable them. Only when Twos are
taking good care of themselves can their generous embracing love pour out
into the world as a blessing to us all.
Barbara Bush, Desmond Tutu, Monica Lewinsky, Mother Theresa, Sammy Davis, Jr., Florence Nightingale.
for Enneagram Type Twos
- First and foremost, remember that if you are not addressing your own
needs, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to meet anyone else's
needs without problems, underlying resentments, and continual
frustration. Further, you will be less able to respond to people in a
balanced way if you have not gotten adequate rest, and taken care of
yourself properly. It is not selfish to make sure that you are okay
before attending to others' needsit is simply common sense.
- Try to become more conscious of your own motives when you decide to
help someone. While doing good things for people is certainly an
admirable trait, when you do so because you expect the other person to
appreciate you or do something nice for you in return, you are setting
yourself up for disappointments. Your type has a real danger of falling
into unconscious codependent patterns with loved ones, and they almost
never bring you what you really want.
- While there are many things you might want to do for people, it is
often better to ask them what they really need first. You are gifted at
accurately intuiting others' feelings and needs, but that does not
necessarily mean that they want those needs remedied by you in the way
you have in mind. Communicate your intentions, and be willing to accept
a "no thank you." Someone deciding that they do not want your
particular offer of help does not mean that they dislike you or are
- Resist the temptation to call attention to yourself and your good
works. After you have done something for others, do not remind them
about it. Let it be: either they will remember your kindness themselves
and thank you in their own way or they will not. Your calling attention
to what you have done for them only puts people on the spot and makes
them feel uneasy. It will not satisfy anyone or improve your
- Do not always be "doing" for people and above all do not try
to get people to love you by giving them either gifts or undeserved
praise. On the other hand, do not pointedly withdraw your service when
others do not respond to you as you would like. Do not make what you do
for others depend on how they respond to you. Help others when they ask
for it, especially helping them to become more capable of functioning on
Disorders & Addictions